either i'm completely confused and my ideals are all wrong or my idea of decency really can't be afforded by others...
...i'll never stop caring about the people in my life, i just wish they'd stop hurting me.
<3sami
Monday, February 16, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
something a little less serious
so a friend of mine blogged this on fb and I just thought it would be interesting to do. no its not one of those "if i write your name here you have to do it or blah blah blah" i kind of just want to answer these for myself. hopefully a year from now i can redo it and compare, i like doing that. if you've done these surveys before you really should try looking back at your old answers, you might be surprised by what you find. or who you find....(oooo mystery)
TEN HOW'S:
How did you get one of your scars?: fell into a pool filter when i was little, i'll never forget NOT feeling the pain despite the blood gushing down my leg
How did you celebrate your last birthday?: I went to disneyland with MCIA, my wonderful boyfriend took me out to dinner at Olive Garden, and my parents helped me move into my new place and gave their approval of the most important person in my life.
How are you feeling at this moment?: almost tired enough to sleep, damn this dancers insomnia
How did your night go last night?: alright, it was entertaining to say the least.
How did you do in high school?: i did well, overachiever, and now im suffering the burn out.
How did you get the shirt you're wearing?: boyfriend left it for me to sleep in.
How often do you see your best friend?: i live with one of them, i see my babygirl as often as i can, i vchat with the bf all the time and all my other bestfriends are within a seconds grasp.
How much money did you spend last month?: oi...lets not go into that
How old do you want to be when you get married?: under 30, i wanna get a headstart on that happy life. =)
How do you know if you're hated?: well...i don't really care...hahaha
NINE WHAT'S:
Your mother’s name?: cecilia
What did you do last weekend?: uh...relaxed after the two most hectic and trying weeks thus far
What is the most important part of your life?: love. feeling it, sharing it and spreading it.
What would you rather be doing?: hugging my boyfriend til i fell asleep.
What did you last cry over?: feeling alone
What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?: a hug, even though i start crying harder the minute im hugged its usually better that i get the tears out faster then calm down sooner
What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?: as of now, faith and communication.
What are you worried about?: grades, succeeding, making everyone see me for who i've become since i entered college
What did you have for breakfast?: nothing, i woke up performed, had jamba juice and red mango then came home and took a nap.
EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?: yeah but it wasnt ever serious.
Have you ever had your heartbroken?: yes, but to be honest i've done my share of heartbreaking and neither feels quite good...=/
Have you ever been out of the country?: yes.
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?: who hasnt?!
Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend?: yes, thus she is no longer in my life, other than that, never has anyone hurt me so
Have you ever had sex on the beach?: no...
Have you ever dated someone younger than you?: nope, im stuck with that stigma placed on me by society, but im ok with it, really.
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?: ohhhhh yeah harry potter 4 and up!! woot woot
SEVEN WHO’S:
Who was the last person you saw?: jenhabib
Who was the last person you texted?: CC
Who was the last person you hungout with?: habib, cc, favorrrite, thomas, kirby
Who was the last person to call you?: my new boss. =)
Who did you last hug?: CC
Who is the last person who texted you?: uh andrew? iono
Who was the last person you said "i love you" to?: my amazing boyfriend. =)
SIX WHERE’S:
Where does your best friend live?: all over the place!!!
Where did you last go?: to you and i sushi for ALL YOU CAN EAT!! WOOOO
Where did you last hang out?: my living room, it was chill.
Where do you go to school?: UCI
Where is your favorite place to be?: in bed, under the covers, wrapped up and warm
Where did you sleep last night?: my bed, alone...=/
FIVE DO’S/DOES:
Do you like someone right now?: DUH
Do you think anyone likes you?: Mmmhmm
Do you ever wish you were someone else?: nope, i like who i am and i love myself. to the proper degree of course.
Do you know the muffin man?: no...im more of a cake person
Does the future scare you?: yes, but im ok with it now since theres at least a sketch of a plan in place.
FOUR WHY’S:
Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?: there are so many reasons but mainly its becaues theyve shown me unconditional love and theyve let me influence their lives as much as i let them influence mine
Why did you get a MySpace?: needed a new one to replace the old one and the memories that came with it
Why did your parents give you the name you have?: my mommy picked it cause she didnt like the name my daddy picked, love you mom. seriously. do i look like a tabitha?!
Why are you doing this survey? to relax myself, and to make myself fall asleep.
THREE IF’S:
If you could have one super power what would it be?: teleportation, so i could see my baby whenever.
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?: I would've gone after him sooner, and not been so scared. (how's that for going public)
If you were stranded on a deserted island & could bring one thing what would you bring?: a boat?
TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:
Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?: no, i'm happy where i am and i think we're all different people now. we're still friends though. well im still friends with one, and thats proving good, but the other...guess he needs to work on his definition of friend.
Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?: i wouldnt want to but i would.
ONE LAST QUESTION:
Are you happy with your life right now?: yes, definitely.
mmmmmmmmmmk well that was fun and I think that I will be vastly intrigued by my answers later on down the line.
I hope you found that the least bit entertaining, i know I did. Off to bed with me now.
Peace and goodnight!
<3bam
TEN HOW'S:
How did you get one of your scars?: fell into a pool filter when i was little, i'll never forget NOT feeling the pain despite the blood gushing down my leg
How did you celebrate your last birthday?: I went to disneyland with MCIA, my wonderful boyfriend took me out to dinner at Olive Garden, and my parents helped me move into my new place and gave their approval of the most important person in my life.
How are you feeling at this moment?: almost tired enough to sleep, damn this dancers insomnia
How did your night go last night?: alright, it was entertaining to say the least.
How did you do in high school?: i did well, overachiever, and now im suffering the burn out.
How did you get the shirt you're wearing?: boyfriend left it for me to sleep in.
How often do you see your best friend?: i live with one of them, i see my babygirl as often as i can, i vchat with the bf all the time and all my other bestfriends are within a seconds grasp.
How much money did you spend last month?: oi...lets not go into that
How old do you want to be when you get married?: under 30, i wanna get a headstart on that happy life. =)
How do you know if you're hated?: well...i don't really care...hahaha
NINE WHAT'S:
Your mother’s name?: cecilia
What did you do last weekend?: uh...relaxed after the two most hectic and trying weeks thus far
What is the most important part of your life?: love. feeling it, sharing it and spreading it.
What would you rather be doing?: hugging my boyfriend til i fell asleep.
What did you last cry over?: feeling alone
What always makes you feel better when you’re upset?: a hug, even though i start crying harder the minute im hugged its usually better that i get the tears out faster then calm down sooner
What’s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?: as of now, faith and communication.
What are you worried about?: grades, succeeding, making everyone see me for who i've become since i entered college
What did you have for breakfast?: nothing, i woke up performed, had jamba juice and red mango then came home and took a nap.
EIGHT HAVE YOU’S:
Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?: yeah but it wasnt ever serious.
Have you ever had your heartbroken?: yes, but to be honest i've done my share of heartbreaking and neither feels quite good...=/
Have you ever been out of the country?: yes.
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?: who hasnt?!
Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend?: yes, thus she is no longer in my life, other than that, never has anyone hurt me so
Have you ever had sex on the beach?: no...
Have you ever dated someone younger than you?: nope, im stuck with that stigma placed on me by society, but im ok with it, really.
Have you ever read an entire book in one day?: ohhhhh yeah harry potter 4 and up!! woot woot
SEVEN WHO’S:
Who was the last person you saw?: jenhabib
Who was the last person you texted?: CC
Who was the last person you hungout with?: habib, cc, favorrrite, thomas, kirby
Who was the last person to call you?: my new boss. =)
Who did you last hug?: CC
Who is the last person who texted you?: uh andrew? iono
Who was the last person you said "i love you" to?: my amazing boyfriend. =)
SIX WHERE’S:
Where does your best friend live?: all over the place!!!
Where did you last go?: to you and i sushi for ALL YOU CAN EAT!! WOOOO
Where did you last hang out?: my living room, it was chill.
Where do you go to school?: UCI
Where is your favorite place to be?: in bed, under the covers, wrapped up and warm
Where did you sleep last night?: my bed, alone...=/
FIVE DO’S/DOES:
Do you like someone right now?: DUH
Do you think anyone likes you?: Mmmhmm
Do you ever wish you were someone else?: nope, i like who i am and i love myself. to the proper degree of course.
Do you know the muffin man?: no...im more of a cake person
Does the future scare you?: yes, but im ok with it now since theres at least a sketch of a plan in place.
FOUR WHY’S:
Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?: there are so many reasons but mainly its becaues theyve shown me unconditional love and theyve let me influence their lives as much as i let them influence mine
Why did you get a MySpace?: needed a new one to replace the old one and the memories that came with it
Why did your parents give you the name you have?: my mommy picked it cause she didnt like the name my daddy picked, love you mom. seriously. do i look like a tabitha?!
Why are you doing this survey? to relax myself, and to make myself fall asleep.
THREE IF’S:
If you could have one super power what would it be?: teleportation, so i could see my baby whenever.
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?: I would've gone after him sooner, and not been so scared. (how's that for going public)
If you were stranded on a deserted island & could bring one thing what would you bring?: a boat?
TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER’S:
Would you ever get back together with any of your ex’s if they asked you?: no, i'm happy where i am and i think we're all different people now. we're still friends though. well im still friends with one, and thats proving good, but the other...guess he needs to work on his definition of friend.
Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?: i wouldnt want to but i would.
ONE LAST QUESTION:
Are you happy with your life right now?: yes, definitely.
mmmmmmmmmmk well that was fun and I think that I will be vastly intrigued by my answers later on down the line.
I hope you found that the least bit entertaining, i know I did. Off to bed with me now.
Peace and goodnight!
<3bam
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Room to Breathe
I know that in my last blog I said I would update my thoughts and feelings about vibe however as I am still digesting those thoughts and feelings I think that can wait for another day. Instead there are quite a few things I've felt like blogging about that I guess I'm going to use this rare moment to breathe to express.
Thinking about what I just typed I realize that it really isn't rare in my life anymore that I stop to "smell the roses." Ever since I met Des (and yes you can make that as corny and romantic as you'd like) I've learned how to slow down amidst this crazy hectic life we live and just appreciate what is around you, the good and the bad. This has led me to countless opportunities in which I have simply taken the bad with the good and come out of frustrating situations feeling as if I was silly to have been frustrated in the first place. Which goes to say a lot of my old life has been proven wrong in the past five months, a fate which I am eternally grateful for.
Five months is such a short time, and yet, I feel as if years were compressed into those five months. In five months time I will see Des again, and even though we'll have spent more time apart than together since we entered into this relationship, we'll be all the more stronger for it. A lot of couples who get to spend most of their time within physical proximity encounter the problem of "the comfort zone" and I will admit that not having this problem, and having overcome it in the four months we were blessed with, is nothing short of awesome. I never have to hold back from saying something or doing something out of character for fear that it will disrupt the normal "flow" of things because it's normal for us to push each other around (in a strictly metaphorical way) and end up holding (in this case psychologically) each other more passionately than before. There is nothing I cannot say, there is nothing he feels he has to hide, and we communicate so completely and thoroughly that it scares me that three weeks have already gone by.
I've lost my old ambitions yes, but the new ones that I have gained promise to be much more fruitful, enjoyable, and fulfilling than the old. Before I used to fear my future, and I would try to channel that fear into motivation. Perhaps my former lack of concern for my future or my former inability to conceive of it as my imminent present COMBINED with my means of self-motivation is what caused me to lose focus, and basically lose the will to do well. I was doing things half-heartedly and only accomplishing goals with a mind for the present. In a cliche I suppose this is a sense of renewal for me, or maybe I've managed to stumble upon the way I was meant to do thing all along, and now I'm hobbling along trying to catch up to my potential. I'm ok with that though, no more fear for motivation and no more "settling" for certain attained goals.
Another thing that has changed in me is my need for noise. Halfway through last year half of the regular noise (in the soundtrack to my life if you will) was silenced and in the eery silences that I've come to know so well, I realize that noise is quite possibly the second most taken for granted thing in the world (it is second physically to air and second conceptually to love). It denotes existence, and relationship to the world and the bigger and smaller components that surround you. Not having people around, not making any noise myself has shown me how small I am and how important others are. Save for the waterfall outside my porch the most common noise in the grove is the sound of my fingers flutting across the keyboard (while kirby snores). I love it when my roomz is home, even more when her bfriend is, and when the roomz i share a room with is home its even better. I used to cringe at being outside in public areas for too long because after a while my ears start to pick up everything, from the wind moving around buildings, to people scratching their elbows, and even composites of all the conversations going on around me. If you've ever sat in a car with me, you know I don't like listening to my music too loud, and you know I only tolerate super loud noises at concerts/performances. I don't even like it when the music played loud at practice, I guess I'm one of those people who doesn't mind the music being on medium because if you're quiet, and focused, you can hear it. I really enjoy being in the student center now (yes you can assume it's partially because it reminds me of someone) because the sounds of daily life make me feel like the world is a small place again, full of connections, after all sound comes from reactions (i.e. clapping, a zipper, water flowing over rocks...).
Life's moving forward faster and faster, and here I honestly thought that the pace had leveled out already. Silly me, foolish me, grateful me. =)
Here's to life and it's amazing ability to provide remedies almost instantly for the ills it causes. =)
<3bam
...and so I don't forget...future blog topics that are brewing away in my brain: budgeting honor, valentines day, having a plan.
p.s. a.thai and jules (oh weird but i wanted to try calling you that) didja get the hidden shoutouts?