Accepting.

The bad always come with the good and nothing could be more true of my life as of this morning. I wake up accepting the fact that I have less than a week left to hug my boyfriend and really feeling ok with it. I move on to check my email and accept that I did JUST poorly enough to attract negative attention for my grades. Further down my list of unread emails, mind you it's always a short list, I see an email in response to a job application I posted last week. It's an interview for an internship that I didn't think I was going to get because I didn't send in a cover letter...oops right?


I guess I've learned alot about what it means to truly accept life as it comes these past few months.

I've learned that communication creates internal and external acceptance of change and difficult concepts. Communication in that sense is difficult, requires extra energy in order to be efficient, and is quite possibly the most difficult thing to navigate while keeping a casual tone. It is the key to survival but so many of us get it wrong.

I've also learned quite a few things about faith and it's relationship to acceptance. more on this later...


I suppose you may be able to figure out by know that this blog has been written over a span of a few days...I suppose I just couldn't bring myself to finish it because ironically, finishing it, meant fully accepting my current circumstances.

I accepted my circumstances completely when I got home three hours ago and said goodbye to him on the phone. I still see him walking through security, and I still feel his hand clenching my back when we hugged. I just can't seem to feel or see anything else at the moment...

Part of acceptance though is the brutal shock that comes with change. It get's easier, I know that, and I know that I'll feel overjoyed when I hear from him when he lands in Japan and then in Singapore. I just can't believe he isn't a phone call away, and that this weekend, after I clean out the last of his existence from his former home here, I have to say goodbye to what quickly became my second home down here in soCal. I sat in his car, which I have to sell, and I felt a little of his presence, warm and comforting, it was probably the best I've felt since he left. And then I realized that the car (hopefully) will be sold soon. When that last part of the larger physical experience is gone...I'll really have to depend on the internet and other forms of communication to be in touch with him.


Will you believe me when I say that I'm actually ok with all of this? It hurts, but that's when you know that it's the good kind of change. When you have to work so hard to get to the next step (which you know will make you happier) you know that the work your doing is good, for you and for your life. "We knew what we were getting into." I'm scared I'm going to lose count of how many times I'm going to say that when people ask how I'm doing. But it's the truth, and to be honest I'm glad for it. I walked into this amazing relationship knowing that it would be a trying one, and know I'm head over heels up to the waist in mud stuck in it, and I couldn't be happier.

I'm crying now, yes, but in five months, I'll be laughing with the one I love the most. It's all about perspective. We know what we want, and we know that to get to it, we have to work hard and that the work we'll have to do isn't easy. But we can do it. Same goal same journey different struggles, and that's ok.

If you're wondering is it worth it, then know that I fully believe it is.

If you're wondering if we're on the same page, then yes we are.

If you're wondering how we expect to maintain the passion, don't worry about it, real passion never dies, and we plan on keeping this flame hot for as long as there is heat to be felt in this world.

...and I finally stopped crying. =/

Day 1. The intermission begins.

<3samBAM