There's something all too special about the bay. When I entered the area two days ago, I literally felt my spirits rise and I've been in a much cheerier mood than usual. While that could be attributed to something else I'll say for now that being home is the main reason that I've been so happy this weekend. Yes, my house is full to the max, and Yes I didn't have much time to hang out with friends but my God I didn't realize how much I really needed to come home to recharge. I guess I've gotten so caught up with my life in Irvine that I'd forgotten the support a family can provide you with by just being around.
I remember when my mom left me in Irvine at the beginning of summer I cried a little after I dropped her off at the airport. I mean I've spent so much time away from home that it's not really about being homesick anymore, but I cried because I was losing this amazing sense of comfort that my mom brings into my life. She's the rock of my family, and everyone knows it. I'm glad that I can do my best to not put anymore stress onher shoulders and offer her some kind of relief in this hectic household.
I'll be heading back to Irvine in about three hours and yes I am looking forward to it, that is after all where I've decided to establish myself for the next few years at least. But I know how badly I will miss my family and the bay when I get back. A lot of things about the bay are taken for granted by the people who have never left the area. For instance, anyone from NorCal whose decided to educate themselves in SoCal will tell you that the atmosphere and general attitudes of people in the Bay tend to be much more relaxed and accepting than those in SoCal. I suppose the best way to describe it (in my opinion of course) is that there are less superficial expectations placed on the general population in NorCal than in SoCal. To be blunt about it, not everyone in NorCal is out to be a star because you have to admit that a lot of people in SoCal are caught up in the luxurious life of the numerous celebrities who unfortunately inhabit the area. I really don't like people who are so caught up in their material possessions that they don't even see how fake they are being about their actual selves. Outside objects don't define a person guys, it's your own actions and beliefs that do and perhaps some people need to spend some time reevaluating the main focus of their lives and attention spans.
On that note, something that's been bugging me that I just needed to get out. This is for the people who ALWAYS have to explain themselves and their actions by saying "i'm just joking" or "that's not how I really am/think/feel." Here's a little bit of truth that you need to just own up to, if you are CONSTANTLY explaining your actions and excusing yourself for them in the belief that there is a second person hidden within in you who doesn't truly believe in the actions you've taken. There is no second person because the actions you take everyday, on a consistent basis ARE who you are. Attempting to hide behind this excuse that within you there is someone more is just one way of showing the world that you are afraid and are willing to sacrifice your beliefs because of pressure to conform. People may make fun of me every now and then when I hold firm to what I believe but at least I don't have to lie to myself about who I am. I am the same person day in and day out and that's something I hope will never change. Stop running from who you are and just be it. SO many people worry about fitting in, well here's a thought be who you're meant to be and a proper niche for you will appear that or you can create one for yourself. =)
I suppose that's all for now. I'll miss the bay but I am looking forward to being in my own space again. See you soon Irvine. =)
<3bam
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