i've been blogging a lot today and it's helped me sort through my thoughts and emotions. this is going to be the last blog of the day because i've come to a point where i've got a few things to say and i just want them done.
to a certain someone,
All you wanted was to communicate, so I did my best to accomodate. "I don't want to lose our friendship" I can't believe those words anymore, not after the treatment I've been given. The fact of the matter is there was one smal decency you could've done me, and you couldn't even have enough respect for me to tell me the news yourself. I would've told you myself rather than have you find out on your own through a stupid website that likes to update people on everything all on its own. All the things you've chastised me for, and all the things you made me feel guilty for you're now guilty of comitting. Funny how happiness can almost seem wrong isn't it? I don't want to dislike you as much as I do right now but how can I help it? Trust was never an issue between us, but you've lost what little faith I had left in you. I do wish you happiness, contrary to what other people seem to think, i just want it to be real. For all I know it could be real it could be fake, but that's just it isn't it, I don't really know anything at all. You had the opportunity to fill me in, at least a little on what was going on and you passed it up. That was your choice, and I know you have your reasons. Note for the future, the harder road in that situation may have been the better one in the long run. I don't think I'll be able to talk to you for a while, my respect for you has been torn a little bit. I do hope though that you find your happiness, and that you can face any challenges that stand in your path with the strength I know you haven't discovered yet inyourself but I always knew was there. You'll do great.
to a few disreputable others,
when i turned to you for comfort and all you had was judgement to pass on me, you lost a lot of the faith i had built up in you. all i wanted was to point out my discomforts and to show that i was concerned, but you all took it as me trying to interfere or me refusing to let go. well here's a little something you should know, i want him to be happy and i don't give a shit that there's someone new, only that it happened so fast. don't give me crap for being concerned, and don't think that i'll fit into the neat little boxes that you all so kindly tried to fit me into. i never stop caring or wanting the best for my friends so assuming that i'm trying to pursue my own ends in someone elses life which i know i have no right to meddle in lest it be for their own good is BULLSHIT on your part. i am far more disappointed in you than in the situation above because when i needed you, you shot me down, hurt me further than i was already hurting and acted as if you were the wiser. stop assuming you know whats going through a persons head when they ask you for help and actually listen to what they're saying. it's not hard to tune in.
that's it.
<3bam
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